She-Parent - She'll Give You Something To Cry About

First Crush

2008-07-15T20:43:05Z

Barely 12 and She-Child is already asking me how to pick up boys at drama camp! (how perfect is that?! haha)

"I'm going to tell him I like him..... What should I say?!" she gushed. I asked her what she wanted to happen after she told him.

"Do you want to smooch him!?", I half-probed and half-teased.

"Nooo!!", she giggled.

"Do you want him to only hang out with you and no other girls?", I asked.

"Nuh-ooo!", she replied. You know the two syllable "no" that sounds a lot like "Duh!"

"How do you want your relationship to change from how it is now?", I asked.

"......I don't know", she answered.

"Figure that out and then maybe you'll know what to say.", I suggested. "Or just tell him you like how his butt looks in those jeans and you want to hang out... fer-ever."

"OK, I'm gonna call him......." ::looks at cellphone:: ".....What should I saaayyyyy??"

.....ohhh the drama of the first crush....

Summertime Red, White and Blues

2008-07-04T12:35:54Z

Happy 4th of July! Have you burned anything yet today?

It's been a while but I am still here, being mean and saying "NO" whenever possible.

Since my last posting She-Child has turned 12 of all horrible numbers and completed the 6th grade. We had a hellish year with a disturbingly emotional teacher who was fired, rehired, quit, rehired and fired again before years end. Had I been blogging during this time period I surely would've typed things that would make you cover your innocent little eyes, so I am somewhat glad I was absent during that chapter. I could go one and on about this teacher but I don't want to give her any more of my energy. I'll just leave it at this; She-Child is tougher than I thought she was and He-Parent is not the dad whose child you want to mess with.

I also witnessed a horrific perspective-altering event while I was away. On my way to work one Tuesday morning, I crossed over the train tracks as I have done every day for three years and stopped about four cars ahead of the tracks because of a red light. I looked back and noticed the signal lights coming on and the arms coming down. I also noticed a woman inching forward with her back wheels still on the tracks. I and the cars behind me inched up as much as we could but before she could get off the tracks, her car was struck as we all watched in our rear-view mirrors. I threw my truck in park and jumped out to see if she was OK. She was trapped in her car but she was not visibly hurt and a man yanked the passenger door open to help her get out. She walked out of her car without a scratch on her. I then notice that another car had also been hit and thrown across the median. I could tell that nobody would have survived what had happened to that red mass of metal. I couldn't even make out what kind of car it was. I found out later that the man inside, a father and husband to his pregnant wife, had died immediately upon impact. He was 32 and was just on his way to work on a Tuesday morning, just like everyone else.

I still cross those tracks everyday, twice a day and everyday I still see people trying to inch over the tracks at the last minute just like that 32 yr old father did seconds before he left his children fatherless and his wife to pick up the pieces alone. It's just absolutely senseless. Some things are worth just waiting for and your life is one of them.

:deep breath:

So now it's summertime and we're on to new things; drama camp, trip to San Fransisco, the purchase of our home, some new freedoms for She-Child and the addition of a Wii to our household.

I will try to keep writing.... no really, I will.

Happy Independence Day! Feel free to rain hot ash from the skies in celebration!

Taking Advantage of "The Fun Parent"

2008-03-28T19:05:14Z

Eleven is such a snotty age! I never did like it.... not since I was 11 anyway. Eleven could be the year that turns the fun parent into a true He-Parent. This week his good nature was taken advantage of by the evil that is 11 and he wasn't all that thrilled about it.

It all started at about 8:14am (ish). He-Parent and I embrace in a fit of passion in the hallway and I notice his shirt stinks! Blech! He has no sense of smell due to allergies, so I tell him it reeks. And every shirt he gives me to test-smell reeks. "Oh, you did laundry again!"- He-Parent always puts too much in the load and it never gets washed or dried enough, so it reeks. I enjoy teasing him about it and did so that morning until he could find a fresh shirt.

So it's later on in the morning and I am driving to work and I get a call and I can see by the ID, it's the school. "Oh crap!" I think and answer the phone. It's She-Child and she needs a favor. Her BFF/project partner forgot her part of the project (the bird seed) so She-Child wanted to know if I could bring some in. I told her I was on my way to work but that I would call He-Parent since I knew he hadn't left for work yet. I call him and he's a swell guy so he says he'll bring it over.

He gets there and the first thing She-Child says to him is, "You made my pants reek!" .....I know, what a snot, right? Not, "Thanks for going out of your way to help me out..... and BTW you made my pants reek!", just pure ego. Me Me Me

I am blaming the age. Eleven is a terrible, egotistical age. She-Child is a sweet caring little chick, but she got snagged by tweenagedom. As well, 11 year olds seem to get more ELEVEN when they are around other 11 yr olds. It's not a pleasant experience.

I've been told it doesn't get nicer until around ..... 27ish.

Oh Goody.

Spanking Raises Chances of Risky, Deviant Sexual Behavior?

2008-03-01T12:45:09Z

Interesting article on MSN today. Review found physical punishment of kids linked to unprotected, masochistic sex as adults.

"Researchers have uncovered another damaging consequence of spanking: risky sexual behaviors, or even sexual deviancy, when the child grows up.

"This adds one more harmful side effect to spanking," said Murray Straus, a spanking expert who was expected to present the findings of four studies at the American Psychological Association's Summit on Violence and Abuse in Relationships in Bethesda, Md., on Thursday."

That's the basic gist of the article. This article really tells me nothing about the link from being spanked as a child to wanting to be spanked as an adult. I guess if I wanted more than the cliff notes I should have been in Bethesda on Thursday.

I'd like to see information like that backed up with some facts. I would think that if someone was to write an article that makes the statement this article does, the writer would add as many of the compelling details as possible. Otherwise, they just look foolish, as is the case here, in my opinion.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I am absolutely on the anti-spanking side of the fence. I just don't want ridiculous information to be presented from "my side" of the fence. It weakens our stance.

My studies have found that spanking is a symptom of the problem, not the cause. Lazy and/or ignorant parenting are the causes. The same thing that leads to spanking also leads to lack of communication between parents and their kids about the tough subjects like sex, which directly leads to risky teen and even preteen sexual behavior.

In conclusion my studies have shown that parents that use spanking in place of sensible methods of discipline also do other things that cause risk to their children's futures, including but not limited to allowing the child's perceptions of a healthy sexual relationships to be warped by lack of communication of solid factual information from parent to child.

I am expected to present my findings in the parking lot behind Wendy's on Monday.

The article goes on to talk about dose response, how people who were spanked are 5 times more likely to hit their relationship partners than those who were not spanked and that spanking can lead to anti-social and aggressive behavior. Possibly true, but not really relevant to the idea that "Spanking Raises Chances of Risky, Deviant Sexual Behavior".

A passage of interest...

"However, some 90 percent of U.S. parents spank toddlers, according to Straus."

Two points to make about this statement.

1. This says "according to Straus". Why? Did this reporter not do their own research? I see no point of this article except to send a "nanny nanny boo boo" to the spanking side of the fence.

2. Ninety percent CAN NOT be an accurate number. It just can't be. Does anyone out their have any real information on the percentages of spankers vs. non-spankers?

Driving Conversations

2008-02-23T21:02:35Z

She Child and I always seem to have really good talks while we're driving. We had one today on the way home. We talked about why she-parenting is necessary and why my mom isn't a She-Nana.

She started out asking about getting fired from jobs...

She-Child: Have you ever been fired from a job?

Me: Yes. One.

She-Child: Why did you get fired?

Me: They thought I stole money, but they hired me back a month later when they found out they were wrong.

She-Child: You went back?

Me: Yes. The old manager got fired and they hired me back.

She-Child: Did your parents believe you?

Me: I didn't live with them at the time, so I don't even remember if they knew about it.

She-Child: How old were you?

Me: 18.

She-Child: Wow, that's young! When did you move out of your parent's house?

Me: When I was 17.

She-Child: Why did you move out so young?

Me: She-Nana and I didn't get along.

She-Child: I can't believe She-Nana was ever mean! Why are grandparents so nice when they have grandkids but not when they have their own kids?

Me: It's easy to say "Yes" all the time and be "the nice guy" when you don't have to stick around for the tantrum that happens when the parent has to say "No". I'll be really nice when I'm a grandparent too. :smirk:

She-Child: ::shoots me the 'No Fair!' look::

Me: You know, kids who never hear "No" from their parents grow up to be very unhappy adults.

She-Child: Because they can't handle "no" when they grow up?

Me: Bingo! Since I don't plan to give you everything you want for the rest of your life, I figured I better teach you how to handle not getting what you want all the time.

She-Child: ::sarcastically:: Thanks Mom!

Me:

I love our driving conversations.

Post Potter Depression

2008-02-23T19:02:29Z

Poor She-Child.

For Christmas this year, He-Parent and I gave She-Child the entire set of Harry Potter books. She had read 5 and 6 already, but none of the others. Well, she finished the last one a couple of weeks ago and the poor thing doesn't know what to do with herself now. She had been spending every free second reading for the last 2 months and now she can't find anything good to read. She just finished "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret." which was a Christmas gift from my sister. She liked it, but she didn't tear through it like a Harry Potter book. She also just finished Anne Frank, which she thought was "good, but mostly boring". She's currently reading "Harriet The Spy" for school, but again, it's no Harry Potter.

Anyone out there come across the same problem when their kids came to the end of the Potter series? Anyone find any similar series that their Potter fans enjoyed as much as Harry?

I hope J.K. Rowling still keeps writing children's books, even if she's not writing about Harry anymore.

Forever Stamped a Tramp

2008-02-23T13:12:11Z

A couple of weeks ago, She-Child and I were talking about a girl I had heard about who had gotten a tattoo on her lower back when she was 12 and had both nipples pierced by the time she was 14. She-Child, at age 11, of course thought it was gross. Everything is gross when you're 11. I think it's more than gross that a mom would allow that. In fact, I was told that the tattoo was a birthday gift for the girl, from her mom. This wasn't some cultural right of passage either. It was a tramp stamp ... on a 12 yr old.

Anyway, so I told She-Child my thoughts on getting anything permanent, really ever, but especially when she's young. I reminded her of the three permanent things that I don't want her to come home with, especially before she's grown. They are tattoos, babies and diseases!

I explained to her, that I really did not care about piercings (Don't get me wrong, I'd go completely She-Postal if certain areas got pierced, but piercings above neck level, outside of the mouth are fine ) , hair color/cut, make-up, or clothing style (as long as you're not showing your everything to everybody), as any of these things can be changed. When you grow out of wanting a pink mohawk, you simply grow it out. Not true with a tattoo or a baby. These things can be painfully permanent (as opposed to pleasantly permanent) if you do them at the wrong time. And try as I might, I just can't think of a good time for an STD!

Her immediate reaction was ::eyes wide:: "...so you don't care if I get a piercing?!?"
I said ::eyes wide:: "What, You want to get your nipples pierced?"
"Noooooooo!!!", she laughed. "I want a second ear piercing."

She's been begging me to take her to the mall ever since (the mall being where all the piercing goes down), so I think what she got out of our conversation was that a person can pierce just about any part of their body and as long as she doesn't come home with anything she can't wash off or grow out, she's good to go.

I think I'm okay with that.... for now.

Saturday Room Cleaning

2008-02-16T16:12:24Z

... a test for any She-Parent.

I am pretty lax about how She-Child keeps her room. It is her space and I respect that. I do however require a real cleaning every other Saturday. Some Saturdays it REALLY needs it and others, not so much. Today is that Saturday and today it REALLY needs it. It's just after 4 pm and she is still cleaning, and I use the term loosely. I told her to get started around 11am, so since then she's been in and around her room with Weird Al blaring, playing with newly refound toys, dancing and lip syncing at whatever mirror she happens to walk in front of... in short, anything but cleaning. I had to take her Tomigotchies ( I have no idea how to spell that, so it's completely phonetic) away because "they kept calling" her. ( I did allow her to pause them though so they didn't poop all over the digi-house. I'm not heartless!! ) I don't mind if she has fun while she cleans but if I pass by her room and it's no different than when I walked by a half hour earlier, I'll attempt to "redirect the cleaning energy". Other than removing the speedbump of the moment (in this case, the poopy digi pets) I have a few methods.

Sometimes the redirection takes the form of a "reminder question". - How's the cleaning going?

Sometimes it's more of a statement of fact. - I don't see any progress in here since I last looked.

Sometimes, if I'm feeling ambitious, I'll add an incentive to get it done. - If you get this done within the next hour, I'll help you rearrange your furniture.

Sometimes I'll kindly offer to "help". - If you like I can bring in a BUNCH of garbage bags to help clean this room out.... I mean up.

So far today I have used, the reminder question, the reminder statement and the kind offer of garbage bags. After my garbage bag offer, she taunted, "You wouldn't do that." I reminded her that I had done it before. She didn't remember it until I reminded her of the day she came home from 2nd grade to find 2/3 of her stuff gone, because of a refusal to clean the room and an acceptance of my offer of garbage bags. She remembered with an, "Ohhhhhh yeah, I remember that!... NO, I'll do it!"

I'm planning another walk by in a few minutes. We'll see if she's made any movement at all or if she found something she had lost in the shuffle of her messy room or any other fancy that may have been caught.

Aye Me Hearty!

2008-02-15T08:54:32Z

I remember vividly the excitement around Valentine's Day when I was She-Child's age. The whole class would cut slots on the tops of shoeboxes and decorate them with colorful hearts or polka-dots or bloody battle scenes... whatever each of us wanted. Then we'd put them on our desks and run around with bags of hand labeled valentines, sticking cards or candies in the slots of those we heart the most, and our buddies of course. They might be stamped with images of E.T. or Wonder Woman or the Incredible Hulk but they would make you smile with some punny saying...

Hulks and Kisses from me!

Have a Wonder-full Valentine's Day!

You're out of this world!

and it made you feel special to give and receive valentines from your friends or that boy or your teacher. I'd take them home and sort through them, tasting candies along the way, categorizing them all by how much I liked the character on the front.

OK maybe I'm a dork, but I thought that was a thrill. Fast forward to last night. She-Child addressed her Pirates of the Caribbean valentines ( Aye Me Hearty!! ) to each kid in the class (except the Jehovah's Witnesses) and the big one for the teacher and we placed three little foil covered chocolate hearts in each of 13 little heart covered baggies and stapled the cards to the front. It took all of 5 dollars and 15 minutes but She-Child enjoyed it and she was excited to give them out.

After I get home from work today I ask her how her party was and how the rest of her day was and how many valentines did she get, and she says, "I got 2." Suddenly in my mind I'm trying to decide if this is some kind of rejection she's experiencing or if it's just not cool to give valentines anymore, so I ask, "How many kids gave out valentines?" and she answered, "Two. Angel and Stephen."

"TWO?!" I thought, "Are you kidding me?? out of thirteen? That sucks! I can't believe that!".

"Oh, that was nice of Stephen and Angel." I said, biting my tongue. Hard.

They're not already too old for Valentine's Day at 10-12 yrs old.... are they?!

She-Child is SO much like me...

2008-02-12T19:54:01Z

... unfortunately not always the good parts of me. Grrrrr

She is SO much like I was when I was her age when it comes to academics. She could really not care less. She doesn't have to work for the A's she gets. She has no real interest in anything having to do with hard work. We butt heads every time she has a science fair project or book report or some project that takes longer than ten minutes because I require her to put real time and effort into these types of projects. I seriously dread the big projects now because He-Parent doesn't have the patience to help and so I get to be the big meanie forcing her to do things as well as she can. It turns to tears every time.

A must know aside about He-Parent's project patience level .... For the last project ("Does high frequency sound travel the same distance as low frequency sound?") I felt I had hovered over my fair share of projects so I handed the reigns to him for this one. Within five minutes of sitting down at the computer to research with She-Child, He-Parent was annoyed, She-Child was crying and asking me to please help with her project. It was a lovely five minutes! So She-Child and I butt heads but it usually takes way more than 5 minutes for us to really get going at it where tears are flowing and veins are popping.

So I was the SAME EXACT way when I was a she-kid. I could not have cared less about school and I still pulled A's and B's.... until around 9th grade when I started pulling C's and didn't really care. It stunk to get the "you can get better grades" lecture and not to get rewarded for a good report card, but as far as the grades themselves, I did not care. She-Child is heading down the same path and I honestly don't think anything could have changed my perspective when I was her age.... so how do I change her perspective now????

No. Really. How? Any ideas out there? If they're half-decent and don't involve shaving any body parts and donning a drill sargent hat, I'm game!

I don't want to butt heads with her. She is who she is and I am not a slacker now so I can only assume she'll also grow out of it, but I'm willing to if that's what it takes.

Theme Park Trip... CANCELLED

2008-02-10T12:36:29Z

The school trip to Orlando, that I was such a witch to say "No way" to, has been cancelled! (insert evil witch-like cackle here) Apparently they couldn't get enough people to sign up. They needed at least 15 kids for the trip to be worth it and they could only get 8... out of the entire 4th-12th grade! (OK, it is a very small school - maybe 350 students, but still)

Now, I didn't think I was the only parent who thought this trip was not such a great idea, but I am shocked to know I am in the majority. Thumbs up to the other she (and he!) parents out there who didn't allow themselves to be guilted into buying their kids everything their peers were promised to get. She-Parents Rule!!

She-Child was funny when she told me that the trip was called off. She said, probably half hoping I wouldn't hear her, "Oh, the trip was cancelled." I said, "....ohh?" and she said sheepishly, "..... not enough kids signed up." She knew what was coming. I grinned. She threw her blanket over her head and laughed, "Oh shut up!"

Hahaha! Score one for She-Parent!

You might be a She-Parent if....

2008-02-06T18:59:04Z

...your child has ever stomped away exclaiming the magnitude of your unfairness.

...your child's friends have labeled you as "wayyy 'stricter' than my parents".

...your child always asks their other parent for permission for what they want.

...you've been accused of hating fun and loving chores.

...your child can share their deepest thoughts with you and trust that you'll listen, try to understand and reply honestly with no fart noises, like the fun parent.

...your child has ever thanked you for being tough on him/her when they needed it.

...you have ever done what's right for your child instead of what was fun.

If you nodded "yes" to any of these, you may be a She-Parent too.

Nothing If Not Consistent

2008-02-04T19:57:32Z

She-Child does it every single time. Every time she's told that we're going out to the water to ski she complains and whines and claims she doesn't want to go. Once we get out there though, she has a blast splashing around in the water, playing in the dirt, riding around on our little boat, creating little cities for ants, etc, etc, etc and she doesn't want to leave at the end of the day.

Every. single. time.

She's even aware of the pattern. I've asked her if she notices it and she chuckled a guilty little laugh and said, "I knowwww!I can't help it." It's become a bit of a joke around our house.

It happened again today. I told her this morning around 11:30 that we'd be getting ready to go in about an hour and I got the usual "Awwwwww, skiing again?" So around 1pm we head off for the water. We hang out on the water until around 6pm at which time I call over for her to start packing up her stuff. "Awwww," she said, "...already?!" He-Parent and I had a good laugh over that.

Overnight Field Trip..... To a Theme Park

2008-01-31T20:06:42Z

She-Child (11yrs. old) attends a lovely little private school that I do love. She has been there since preschool. Starting in fourth grade they do overnight field trips to various places like Seacamp at Big Pine Key in Florida. She-Child has done the Seacamp trip every year since 4th grade and loves it, and I have grown to learn how to breath with my she-shadow gone for three days. I feel it's a worthwhile trip. Some parents might fret because the kids swim in the ocean and encounter sharks, but He-Parent and I live for water and She-Child has been in and around it her whole life. She has a healthy respect for the power of the ocean and a fine set of gills, so that doesn't worry me so much. They get to the camp and they don't leave the premises until they are coming home. That comforts me a great deal.

Just to note: The school really does not encourage parents to go on these trips for various reasons that I do understand, but parents *can* go. They do however have to pay the same price to go as their child. There is no price cut for parent chaperones and I just cannot afford to spend an extra $400-$500 to chaperone a bunch of (other people's) kids, on top of the first $400-$500 I paid for She-Child. He-Parent and I have better things to spend our money on, like a lovely little private school education ...which we get no tax break on even though we pay taxes on the sub-par schools in our neighborhood that She-Child does not attend..... but that's a whole other rant.

All this to say, this is why trusting the surroundings to be safe is so important; because I am not going. :big breath:

ANYWAY, the school also does a trip to a bunch of theme parks each year, and each year I say, "Ain't no way!" and She-Child balls and flails and whines and doesn't go on the trip.There is just no way I am about to let my 11 year old spend three days running around Orlando (you can probably guess which theme parks they'll be going to)and staying in a hotel room with WHO KNOWS WHO! I am just not comfortable with that and I see no educational value there, so I gotta say "NO".

She-parent strikes again!

On a funny note: She-Child did try me from the right angle. She said that she could learn all about physics... on the roller coasters. Haha! Nice try. Not quite though.

I do have something in mind for the days during that field trip though.....

Welcome to She-Parent

2008-01-29T19:11:34Z

I'm really not this evil she-parent I may appear to be, but it sure does feel like it sometimes.
If it's ever time to stop doing something fun, I'm the one calling it.
If teeth still have gunk between them, I'm the one making them get brushed again.
If homework has been done sloppily, I'm the one making it get redone.

The other day she-child asked me who my favorite parent was when I was growing up and I answered,"My Dad".
"Yeah", she giggled. "Me too."

Haha! Score one for she-child!